In February, I ended a relationship after 5 years. There are too many details to fully explain the why it ended but I do touch on a few aspects on my Youtube channel in a video called “My Divorce.”(i will post it at the end) I took a hiatus from dating, focused on school, and weighed my options. In weighing my option I considered expanding my options for a better chance at love. I never dated outside my race. This was not due to growing up in some prejudice household. I just never had the chance or the desire. I made a mental note to start flirting with all races. Another option was to stay single. Anytime I needed the company of a man for physically pleasure, I could just hook up with an old friend that I am already comfortable with and just enjoy good sex without the commitment. This a safe option but the least appealing because I am an in-love-with-love type of person. I strive for a relationship so in having sex with someone i will automatically feels the “what if” with that person. I thought about non-tradition relationship like dating a FtM(female to male) transsexual. I felt like this could be a satisfying relationship in a companionship sense even if not physically. A good partner trumps good sex anytime for me. It seems my options were all over the place but the self dialogue was good for me to heal and not stay bitter. Of course like most people after a bad relationship, there was some residual bitterness I had to work through before I dated again. Any new beau deserves the clean slate. Who wants to be or date Erykah Badu’s Bag lady? So after six months of getting myself ready to be on the market again, I start playing the field. I have been on 2 official dates and 1 unofficial date. The first one was with a guy I worked with a year ago at Continental Airlines who doesn’t know my transgender status. I choose not to tell people until I date them once or twice to see if I even like their personality to go further. I don’t feel it is necessary to expose myself if we are not having sex and if I maybe not even be that into the guy. Some people may disagree with this strategy, but hey this is my dating life and not theirs. So on this date with him I realize that I do not really like him. He was too defensive. I would ask a normal date question: “Where did you go to school?” He would respond “Why? Do I seem uneducated?” I, with a raise eyebrow, say “No I’m just trying to get to know you.” So he seemed a bit draining, so I stop dating him and I’m glad I didn’t tell him that I was trans. Date #2 was with someone that I already knew and dated before. He is great guy: Sometime overly nonchalant but definitely drama free. We have had a friends-with-benefits relationship for awhile. I enjoy his brain and body but that is where its end. I was always fearful of making it more serious because I enjoyed the sex so much that I didn’t want to make it awkward if I was rejected. I’m a scaredy cat..lol but I think if he made the move I would feel more secure. Last night, I met someone for a musical collaboration and it turn into like an informal date because of our chemistry. We talked about our similarities, our travels, and our love for music. We talked about natural hair and me being transgendered (I was feeling generously honest…lol). In the end of the night I was left thinking “This is a great guy.”
Although I know this is the beginning, I’m glad to be out dating again. I’m not in the house like a hermit or out with my girlfriends bickering about men..lol. I am hopeful and less bitter. Now it time to see what I can find. I’m testing the waters looking for my new big gulp of love.
Diamond Stylz is a transgender producer/activist/public speaker. She is the host of Marsha's Plate Podcast and the Exe Dir of Black trans Women Inc.From sharing her sultry voice in song, thought leaderships on trans womanist issues,and commentary on life and current events, she will capture your heart.
When can I take you on a date lol ?
I really enjoyed reading all the stories and the definitly interesting
I hope everything works out for your sweetie.
thank you hun