For Colored Girls

Two little girls in a park near Union Station,...

Image by The Library of Congress via Flickr

I totally love this film. It was deep and opened feeling about myself and negative influence in my life. It inspired me to find ways to healt and forgive myself and other. i releated to every women in the cast on some level. After watching the film by Tyler Perry,”For Colored Girls” I realized that I connect with element of a few of the characters. Many men will se ethis as a movie bashing men, but honest this is a movie that show the dark side of men and women. Let me add this….if you are  a good man then you should be offened by this movie depiction of men because it is not depicting you. The on people who i have notice that have a problem with this movie are sorry as men who i know are sorry from what they do and tell me they have done. Most of  the good men see it and get it. Like the movie “Precious,” there is some heavy material but life isnt alway light and rosy.  I know a girl who had her father’s baby at 13 because her dad was molesting her. So now she has to take care of her child who is actually her sister too. Her mother hold some type of weird resentment toward her and the new baby so she provides not assistance. Now the girl cant go to school and is in a downfall in her life. that is just one story, I know many and i have my own. This movie is about that. It’s about still overcoming these struggles in the midst of people branding you with adjective like angry,cold, bitter, and mean.

 So I was inspired. I wrote this after seeing the film . I was just thinking about what my own monologue would be like if I was in the film…so I wrote this. I left some stuff out but I will try to do it in video form soon with all of it intact.

I hate being broken. Like a beautiful piece of furniture giving to someone that doesn’t know the value or doesn’t care; I have not been taking care of like I should be. Over time, part of me has been broken, torn, stained, and chipped away. Now I’m just sitting here wasting.

 I hate being wasted, I feel like I am sitting in a garage collection dust. Waiting for my owner, who I do not know anymore maybe I never did, Waiting on them to gather up the energy to smooth me down and refinish me and return me back to my former glory, the days when I was useful and had a purpose or maybe they will use that energy to sit me out of the curb waiting for someone to pick me up like trash. So low very low

 I feel like I’m in a basement getting wet, then slowly dry, then wet again, full of the distinct smell of mildew and rats. We cannot forget the rats. Looking for a warm place to stay and infest. Chewing and gnawing holes in my parts for winter comfort. Only for summer to come and they are going once, going twice, gone, SOLD

 Maybe that is feeling, like I am on sale in the middle of a lawn with buyers looking from their rose colored 3D glasses, asking: Are my pillow big enough; Am I long enough for the room that they need to stick me in, trying to figure out my worth and how not to pay it. And there I am sitting sturdy, plush, vulnerable and available ready to be giving away to the highest bidder or for that’s-my-rate-baby cheap. Maybe it’s me selling myself short

Maybe I’m not broken just broke. There is a debt that needs to be paid. One of you owes me.  My mother, father, men and even YOU…at least that how this feels…I didn’t ask for this

Nevertheless I am broken and I hate it.

About Diamond Stylz

Diamond Stylz is a transgender producer/activist/public speaker. She is the host of Marsha's Plate Podcast and the Exe Dir of Black trans Women Inc.From sharing her sultry voice in song, thought leaderships on trans womanist issues,and commentary on life and current events, she will capture your heart.
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