One of the worst parts about my decision to be true to myself and live my path as transwoman is that I felt that I was no longer proper to be a member of my religious community. Growing up in conservative areas,it was an unspoken rule from my family that I could not come to church as a girl. Although funerals at the church were fine to attended if I had some money or some type of contribution to the memorial services. I guess I was lucky because I know for some transfolks that unspoken rule for me was not only spoken but spoken loud and clear to them. I still loved God though, so what do I do? Well eventually, as I became more passable, I could sneak into a services and enjoy that old nostalgic feeling of a C.O.G.I.C praise team or an animated but powerful pastor giving his/her sermon. If I was really lucky, I would see somebody praise dance as the Holy Ghost shows up and shows out. That joy would last for little while until the Sodom and Gomorrah sermon comes and I feel the fire and brimstone on my neck. That is alway the last time they see my pumps bumping down the aisle or my hard-earned money in the offering plate.
So when I found out about the Transfaith Summit, I was so excited. Finally, a group of people who get it. They get that faith is INCLUSIVE not EXCLUSIVE. That get that we, the LGBT community, have a love for spirituality too. They get that we need a place to fellowship and network in faith to strengthen our community and our contribution. The is a powerful step that I wanted to be apart of. Thanks to my sponsors, the Freedom Center of Social Justices, I will be there October the 7th to the 11th. If you want more information the summit click the link below.
A butterfly lands on a post of a pig pen. While the pig is doing his normal routine, eating his slop, he looks up and sees the butterfly.
So the pig says,” Didnt you use to be a caterpiller?” He snorts.
The butterfly smiles and replies “Yes I did, but as you can see, I am a butterfly now” She flutters her beautiful wings.
The pig smirks while rubbing his belly and says “Hmm nice new wings….Things really do change. I remember when you were a little fuzzy worm” The pig rolls in his mudd. He snorts.
The butterfly smiles. “Yes, things do change but some things do not. I see you’re still a dirty fat pig”
She flys off the post towards a field of flowers leaving the pig to enjoy his pen alone.
The weeks after September 11th, 2001 had a strange feeling of togetherness. I felt like I was apart of the American team. Growing up an African-American, adding the African adjective to American seem to imply I was on another team. Therefore, there is an unspoken disconnect with being American. I heard stuff like: The government is “the man” and “the man” is holding us down; this country was built from the sweat and blood of our ancestor yet we still have not received any acre and not one mule. Complaint after complaint, whether valid or not, it seem like I was an illegitimate slave child of America the Beautiful. The weeks after the 9/11 attack seemed to erase all that. Race did not matter anymore. I will not even get on how unimportant sexual orientation was after 9/11. Gay marriage? What is that?We all were American and we just took a hit in our face together. That temporary feeling of togetherness was felt at work, school, and everywhere else that cultures collide. Everybody was coming to New York’s aid. Even New Yorkers, stereotypically known for being not-so-friendly, seemed like warm people. This was wonderful time for all Americans. Well maybe not that Arab/Muslim Americans. They were getting some horrible backlash at the time, but the other minority Americans felt more American than ever. Hearing George W Bush talk from the pressroom no longer rekindled the anger from the Florida ballots scandal. This was our leader. He was the person who would reestablish our security. The security card was more important than playing the race card. It was more important than those 40 acres and mule. Too bad that feeling of togetherness was short-lived. Once 2004 election came around I felt that old divide creeping back in. The 2008 campaign circus and its main attractions definitely put the nail in coffin of that togetherness. It makes me wonder: Will something big and tragic have to happen just for that feeling to come again?
I have been trans for so long that I had almost forgotten the paralyzing fear that stricken you when you decide to live this life and tell the people around you. That moment of coming out not only to tell that you are gender non-conforming but you are about to live as the opposite sex is a terrifying moment for many reasons. From your infancy to your young adulthood, the family you have is so important. They feed you, console you when you are scared, laugh at your childhood silliness, and keep a roof over you head. Some of us have the stereotypical 2-parent mother/father family unit. Many of us have variation of that: mother/ grandmother , father/ aunt, mother/step dad, dad/aunt, etc. Regardless of the variation, this unit is your whole world. You learn from a young age that there are certain expectation of you. Like an invisible checklist of your life, those expectations are projected on you. If you born, a girl they want you to be pretty, wholesome, bright. They want you to grow up and be woman, get an education, and good husband, then support ya husband and raised your family. If you’re a boy, they have a dream of you being tough, playing some sports, and get an education. They expect you to grow as a young man and find a wife (after much sexual conquering of course), then work take care of your wife and family. As a child you sense these expectation early on. Actually, satisfying your parent/guardian is quite enjoyable. You get rewarded and affection for meeting these expectation. As you get older though, your wants start to conflict with their expectation. Sometime this conflict is minor like : My dad want me to play football like he did but I want to play baseball. Some of the conflict are a little more complicated like: My mom wants me to wait to get married to my boyfriend and go to UCLA but I want to get married my boyfriend now because I am pregnant. Some conflicts and just down right devastating like: Parent want me to be my birth gender but I want to be what I feel and that not my birth gender. That’s kind of conflict turns that invisible checklist upside down, shakes it, flips it over and erase everything on it like an etch and sketch.
Facing that conflict is hard. Some transgender people do not face it at all. They run away to transition and never see their families again. Some stay and never transition harboring resentment toward themselves or the family for their regret. For the ones that have the courage to face it, the moment of reveal is scary. Stomach cramps, sweaty palms, tensions are all things that come in that moment. Let me not forget the millions of thoughts and what if’s, oh no I can not forget those. Am I going to be pretty enough? Will they cry? Oh lord I don’t want then to cry. Will they hit me? I can not do this, I ca not believe doing this. I should turn around. What if they cuss or/and kick me out?Fuck it, I don’t care. Or do I care? They should love me unconditionally. Where will I go? Will they still love me? All this in a matter of a minute. Then the moment passes. Nine times out of ten, what we expect to happen almost NEVER happens. Even if the outcome is negative, it is usually(emphasis on usually) not as dramatic as we imagine.
This life is not for the heartless or weak. This life is about living and dying who you are at all cost. Sometime that cost is high. What you can lost, can also be gain elsewhere. Lose a mom, find a drag mother. Lose a dad, find an accepting mentor. Lose a brother ,find an accepting best friend. You can replace a new family unit but you can not replace the time lost living a life that is not you. I rather be hated for who I really am ….than love for who i am not!
When transgender individuals come to realize who they are, they are face with the decision to accept it and live the way they feel inside or keep it undercover and live their womanhood in a cloak of secrecy. The latter of the two choices is low risk because your life can stay normal. Yet that choice to hide it is less satisfying. It like being in love with someone that you cannot date publicly, so you sneak and hide. Some time you want to hold that person and be proud of the love but you settle for tidbit of time yet your heart never is really fulfilled because this is not how you want it to be. That choice is not the choice I want to talk about though. The choice to accept and live life the way you feel is the hard choice. There is very high risk but this choice is more satisfying than any normal person can imagine. The honest truth is that you will lose some friendships and family bonds. Some will just change but not end. Some will severe all together. You may lose your job. There may be taunting, stares, and uncomfortable moments in public in your early stages of transition. With all that could happen, you still will be living the way you feel is right for you. As time goes on, you will progress. Those risks grow far and few in between.
After breaking the social chains, you have come to grips with what you are actually inheriting with your new gender. I call this the transgender inheritance. As a Caucasian FTM(female-to-male), you would be inheriting a position power. The silent (sometime not so silent) inferiority of your previous womanly being is gone. Your life does revolve around shopping, homely duties or some white picket fenced fantasy. Now, as white man, you walk in a room and you are not expected to submit and be lady-like. You are expected to show your strength amongst the other men because socially you are now top dog, not the helpmate. That is empowering right? YES. Now let’s talk about me. The Opposite. I am an African-American MtF(male-to-female). What do I inherit in becoming a Black woman? The legacy of being queen mother of the earth then exploited, raped, and abandoned throughout history. I inherit the deep-rooted negative self image as it pertain to features, hair and body shape, an imbalanced family unit, and a plethora of negative stereotypes. Sounds dismal, right? One more thing that I have inherited is the torch of survivors. I am proud of that inheritance.
I wanted to point this inheritance out because it shows how important it is for us to shed those boxes we have for other people when we shed out our own boxes. Transgendered people should be the shining example of self love and acceptance. We cannot be hypocrites that continue this human legacy of division based on race and gender. We have to be the change that we expect from others.
An unidentified woman was gang-raped by the three men on April 4. She reported the crime to local police the following day. After the men were arrested, they confessed to the crime in custody. Seems like a cut and dry case. Crime occurs. Criminals caught and confess. Criminals go to jail. This not the case in Vietnam. When the authorities found that all of the victim’s identification documents indicated her natraul gender was male. The transgendered woman said she had undergone a sex change operation overseas four years ago and now, as a woman, she insisted the rapists be punished. The authorities simple respond was, ” the victim had not reclassified her legal gender from male to female on Wednesday, August 25. Because Vietnamese law only applies to the rape of women by men.” OMG Are freaking kidding me? Set aside the fact that she is transgender. Are you telling me that if I was a guy in Vietnam and I get raped by 3 other guys. They won’t go to jail because the laws do not cover men raping men? That is ridiculous
This is a growing debate among legal professionals in Vietnam. Some experts say that Vietnamese law does not recognize the grievances of transgender rape victims. Other legal professionals did not agree. They said the law only stipulates that “those who use force, threaten to use force, or abuse the defenselessness of their victims, or use other tricks in order to have sexual intercourse with the victims against their will” are guilty of rape. The regulation makes no reference to the genders of either the offender or the victim; anyone who commits the crime can be prosecuted under current law. So if the law does not specify opposite gender being a prerequisite of rap and it pertain to the the victim and rapist, why are the prosecutors even making the sex of the victim an issue? This blatant discrimination and bias attitude on the part of the officials should be obvious. Even if the law was specific to gender, why would a society not have a law protect guys who are raped by guys? Are there no gay rapists in Vietnam? I am sure there are cases of a guy raping another guy before this one. Whether she is transgender or not, there should be a law implemented that protects BOTH genders against sexual assault.
Cases like this remind me of how many right we do have as American citizen. Yes we still have a long way to go toward civil equality as transgendered individual but we do have some of the basic fundamental rights as human beings protecting us that other countries do not.
In 1999, the Littleton case did not get a lot of publicity so most people do not know about that case. So the case was a quiet little step towards de-transitioning every transgender person in America. Now a decade later, a new case has arisen. The Nikki Araguz case is the new case that jeopardizes the gender status transgender people work hard for. Trans people risk our careers, our family bonds, and our lives just to be recognize as the gender we feel we are. Like the right to marriage, gender is a very personal and individualistic part of our lives. Who we marry has nothing to do with other people. Our gender status has nothing to do with others as well. These are personal life choices that the government is trying to regulate. This cannot happen. We have to spread the word about this injustice before this get bigger than we can handle. Do not let some small town judge de-transition you. This is the internet area, we can get the word out. The internet is a tool our many trans-ancestors did not have. Blog about, do videos, write to your leaders. Do whatever you have to do to make this not happen. Do it
A person’s class is defined by where they stand in society. Stereotypically, where a person stand is society is determined by things like: how much money they make, how much influence they have in society,what they have done in your career, and what they have brought to society . Lynn Conway is arguably one of the most successful transgender in history. She was an part of an IBM research team who created multiple dynamic instruction scheduling in 1964. After she was fired from IBM for starting her transition in 1968 and re-establishing her career in another location, Conway collaborated with Carver Mead, in creating a groundbreaking method for chip design in the computer technology world. This method, which became the standard across the world, is chronicled in a book she co-author with Mead used in the curriculum of most universities around the world. Because of her achievements, she is a wealthy woman and has won countless awards. With all that she has accomplished, some people will disgard those deeds and discriminated against her. She would still be just a cross-dressing man trying to be a woman to some in society. Regardless of her wealth, her contribute to the computer industry, or her accolades, her class in society is not based on the stereotypical norms if a regular person. Her gender identity outweighs and undermines the conventional criteria for high-class status quo. So how do you approach a world in which whatever you do is never good enough? You approach it with a smile and determination to bring what you have to offer whether it is acknowledged or not
In my opinion, Dr Laura Schlessinger was right. There is a double standard when it comes to the use of the word “nigger.” That double standard is rightfully in place for a reason. That reason is the history of the word. Nigger is not going anywhere. It will be still used in the backwoods of Mississippi by some redneck grand dragon to his brothers and used by some urban thug in the streets of New York to his brothers. That will not change. What I disagree with in Dr Laura statements are the stereotypes of black voters and the so called chip on the shoulder. Offensive is offensive. Like beauty, what is offensive is in the eye of the beholder. The African-American caller was expressing that she was offended by statements her white husband’s friends were making. I don’t see how black comics using nigger on HBO has anything to do with a Black woman being offended by her White husband’s friend comments.
I get her logic on the issue of the double standard, but what did that have to do with what the caller was talking about? Does black people using the N word make it ok for her husband friend to say nigger aka offended her? Not at all.
Race is very sensitive and complex issue. It something that is on the forefront of most people mind when dealing with other races. This is especially true when dealing with an interracial couple which the caller was apart of. I am not gonna make joke or innuendos about immigration among my friend and his Mexican wife. Or aids joke among gays friends, terrorist jokes around my Muslim friends. There is a certain level of tact that should be involved because we all know how sensitive that subject is in the country. As an educated woman Dr Laura should know that.
Ignorance can only be cure by some self administered knowledge. If a person is not looking at the obvious or accept the truth, then that person will stay ignorant. Some people will always hate the LGBT community. They will always be prejudice against other races. They will always think AIDS is a gay disease. They we always feel women should be the less respected of the genders. They believe the stereotypes and live by them. You can not change them just like they can not change you. So why waste the time trying? I feel my job is to live my life in a way that pursues my happiness,love, and my survival. Through this journey, I should try my best to touch the people who are not stuck in their ignorance. My purpose is to put my best foot forward and bring knowledge of who I am to the world. They can then pop me in their mouth like a pill and cure themselves.
One way to show how obviously dumb some people and their ignorance is to poke fun at it through comedy. Watch this video
Diamond Stylz 