The Power of Forgiveness

Heroin-Addict and a Child

Image by nicolas - نيكولس via Flickr

One of the hardest parts of my life, was coming to grips with my mother’s addiction. For even the strongest individuals, dealing with the feelings of abandonment and the anger of betrayal can be a life long journey. It took me years to process my feelings and learn the facts of what is going. The fact that this is not only an mental but physical addiction. This doesnt take the responsibility or power to overcome out of the addict grasp, but knowing the fact about addiction allow me to have compassion enough to subdue my anger and try to be supportive. Through compassion and understanding , I learned to grow and heal from my experience. I learn that I didnt have to be embarrassed for being a child of an addict. It was not my fault and it had nothing to do with whether my mother loved me. She did. Going into my 30’s, I appreciate where I have been and what I have gone through. I am an adult and I have control of my life now. I have forgiven my mother and released her from any debt I felt I was owed. Now I can focus on my goal and become the person that is solely defining by my future. That is the power of forgiveness. Here is A video of me sharing my experience

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Watch What You Say Queen

Wagon with poster "We're a GAY and HAPPY ...

Image via Wikipedia

I must say this to my LGBT people. Let’s not be deceived by the Red Herring effect. We, as fighter for equality, have to be conscious about what we say about our allies. If we find our self saying things that are inappropriate, like we all do sometimes, then we should acknowledge and apologize for that. Learn and grow. We have foundations such as GLAAD and other organization, that are based on the thought that people should be held accountable for there actions and word about us. Although these organizations drop the ball some time but the basic principle they stand for is still a great one. If we expect the heterosexual majority to watch what they say about us on platforms like TV, radio, etc…then we should have the same standard for ourselves. That is what this video is about

http://katiemullaly.com/ts-i-love-you/

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Utah DMV Trans Fail

Inside the FairPark DMV

Amber Anderton, a cisgender woman, witness are transgender woman being harrassed and taunted at the Utah Local Fairpark (irony) DMV. She was forced to remove her make up and pull her hair back in an attempt to masculinize her. This kind of treatment is degrading and unacceptable.  Pride in Utah, a website prides itself in being the eyes and ears of the Utah Queer community, post a article sharing this story and more details. Here is the Link

http://prideinutah.com/?p=10545

Posted in gay rights, hate crime, Media, Transgender | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Ticked Off Hypocrites With Mics

The Gay Agenda

Image by greg hefner via Flickr

I try so hard not to get in debate against any letter of the LGBT community. I really feel that for the most part, we all have similar agendas and understand the plight of each other. In an ideal world, we all would have that understanding and be the driving collective force for all of our rights. No one left behind, but no one lives in an ideal world. There are some minority that are marginalized but do not care or even take the time to see, understand, or assist in the rights of others. They spread propaganda and hateful opinions just like their oppressors do. Like how Hispanics put down and solidify the stereotypes of African American, and vice versa, both are minority and would be more successful in reaching equality together than seperate. This same principle holds true in the LGBT communities, some gay individual dont even try to understand the transgenders experience. They will act like they do, but then spew out some basic cliches statements like “they feel like a man trap in a woman body…yes I know.” If you ask them anything outside of that, they dont know crap. Recently I watch a show, hosted by Israel Luna the directer of Ticked-off Trannies with Knives, that was a shining example of how off based some of these hypocritical gay people can be. The walk around with these trans-bashing mind sets, wearing the mask of a defender of equality. They throw us and our rights under the bus and chance they get and contemptously feel our rights should be limited. Take a listen to my video where I discuss and include some of the commentary from the show.

Click here for a great posts about this subject from Grace Alexis of the Queenz of Media

http://thequeenzofmedia.wordpress.com/2011/03/26/trannies-thrown-under-the-bus-a-new-film-by-israel-luna/

 

The premise of not changing the documentation of historical event I actually semi agreed with…and I made that clear…my issue was the rest of the stuff…i felt like i was listen to Bill O’Riely and Rush Limbaugh discuss gay rights…the conversation was very dismissive. There was not research done about the topic especially pertain to what a trangender person is. John De Los Santos says “she’s crazy and nutty” for feeling like a woman with out the sex change…Sex change is not the sole criteria for being trans ..and it doesn’t determine if one is a REAL trans or not. Then Allyn Carrell saying “you would hope that she wouldn’t win” oh really…im personally hope that our justice system would be fair and consider the facts, science, and other precedences of birth certificate corrections and i hope they don’t make an quick mindless decision like Ms Carrell…that what I would hope….and the audacity of saying “they’re are asking for too much” or that the freedom we all ready have is enough” ….I guess DADT being repeal should be enough for gays too…yalll don’t need anything else……..the whole convo was so reminiscent of the Bible thumpers dismiss LGBT rights as a whole….because they feel it wrong and inappropriate based on the history of the traditional definition of marriage…

I just feel the dialogue was inappropriate especially coming from member of the LGBT

 

Posted in gay rights, Media, Race, Transgender | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Dating While Married?

new wedding rings

Image by dennis and aimee jonez via Flickr

I find it interesting how many marriages are ended due to infidelity. One would think that this would happen less frequently with the heavy claim against gay marriage being that it undermines  the sacredness of marriage. That sacredness seems to be trivial and only upheld but a select few at select convenient times. I know many different type of mistresses. Genetic women, gay males, transsexuals, escorts, best friends, and many more fill that role. I have to ask myself why? The escort is the most cut and dry. It’s about money. They don’t know the woman and they don’t have any obligation to her. So why should they care. They just want the money. Wham bamm thanks you sir, see you when I come back to your city to visit. The herder people to figure out are the people who want their own love. They have their own romantic dream yet still choose to get involve with someone married. The easy excuse would be low self esteem but i have seen people that are beautiful, successful (Alicia Keys allegedly) that still choose to be homewrecker or putting their faith in someone that belong to someone else. In Alician Keys case , it seem to worked out well for her. this is usually not the case. Most of the time the married individual is leading the mistress on for years down a dead in road. They will eventuallu have to stop and turn around and end up back where they started: Looking for their own love.  Here is a video where I am discussing this topic futher. Watch and share you thoughts.

Posted in dating, escorts, Love, marriage, Sex | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Kim Kardashian Releases a New Song

Kim Kardashian at the 2009 Tribeca Film Festiv...

Image via Wikipedia

So Kim Kardashian is trying on a new entertainment hat. First sex tape then reality TV star. Now she is going for full fledge pop star with her brand new single Jam (Turn It Up). Now Kim gets no slack from the media or public. She is scrutinzed horribly, due to her the scandelous way she rose to stardom. From sex tapes to hoping from one Black celebrity dick to the next, she is definitely one of the media’s most targeted for jokes and parody.  So the fact that she would release a song is courageous and admirable.

Lets take a listen on my video

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1,000,000 Views 150 Dollar Contest

Image representing YouTube as depicted in Crun...

Diamond Stylz

In honor of hitting 1 million views I am having a contest

Contest Rules:
1) Be A Subscriber of my Youtube channel
2) Post “Enter Me” in the comments of THE CONTEST video on Youtube
3) Answer all 12 question correctly and post the answers and your Youtube username as a comment ON MY WEBSITE’s contest blog…NOT in the video comments..on the website.

*All answers are in videos on Youtube right now*

The Prize is 150 dollar.

The contest will be open until someone wins OR March 8th at which point I will keep my damn money since y’all don’t want it ..:(

If i dont not respond to your answers post within 24 hours…that means one or more of your answers were WRONG……

The 12 questions are in the info box on THE CONTEST VIDEO

Have fun looking for the answers

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Esperanza Spalding diss pics…..

YEA YOU MAD

YOU STILL MAD HUH?

Why You Mad

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The Price of Beauty

UPDATE: Padge Victoria WindsLowe  is not running from the law. Her attorneys are working diligently on her behalf and her side of the story will be released very soon. there is a philadelpha witness the news and athorities are not speaking on, she’ll will confirm that Claudia and her friends had a party at the hotel once they were let go from customs early that morning Between 3am and 7… Claudia said she got so high off Four LOKO “+” drink, that she passed out and hotel workers had to wheel her up to her room on a wardrobe cart just hours before her incident. Death from Four loco drink have sprouted up lately in the media. So do you think silicone and the effect of alcohol in combination could have caused heart attacks in excess?

A story out of Europe and Philadelphia, about a woman named Padge Victoria Windslowe(pictured to the right) is being questioned in suspecion of the murder of another UK woman named Claudia Aderotimi(unsure if she is trans or not). Claudia flew from British to get silicone injection in here buttock for a more curvy femminine figure. After the procedure Clauda was rushed to the hospital where she dies of heart attack. Here is a link to more details of the story
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1356194/Police-hunt-Black-Madam-Claudia-Aderotimi-death-implant.html

Claudia

Now I am not about to demonize silicone. That would be hypocritical because I have had silicone for over 10 years and i love my work. When i first got it …I didnt do any research and althogh i knew the risk, I still got teh procedure done out of desperation of my need for transition and need to be more feminine in appearance. Now there are some girl who have the money to go the legitimate route BUT there are risk to ALL surgery. So like Kanye west mom, any one can die on a legitimate doctors table. The urgency and goals are the same for a wealthy transwoman and a poor transwoman, judgement is useless and hypocritical. Even for the silicone provider, they are just trying to provider something and no one else will. An affordable way to help the transition along. Now i know that is a bold statement. I know there are greedy quacks just trying to make money out here. I know there and greedy quack purposely using bad material just to stretch the profits. Through all of this, there are silicone provider that care and will not risk your life or their freedom for the dollar. Black market is not the safest route you could go because the risk are MUCH HIGHER. Young transpeople if you can save, go the legitimate way but if not. Please research you providers work and consult with other girls that have receive their services The price of surgery for transperson can be enormous, but the price should never be your life. That when it becomes out of my price range.

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Nature and Nurture

 

Nature versus Nurture

 

 I receive an email from one of my trans subscribers. She asked me to discuss my thoughts on the nature versus nurture debate as it pertain to homosexuality. This was an interesting request that I always wanted to talk about but I was reluctant to discuss. One reason is because of my differing views of most trans individuals. I do not think it is solely nature that determines behavior. That would be nice and effective in validating our being to bible thumpers since anything from nature is determine “god given,” but I dont think it is that simple. I am pursuing a masters in psychology so the nature versus nurture debate comes up quite often. I have never been comfortable with tha nature versus nurture debate because I disagree with the word “versus” I dont think it should be there. I feel it a matter of them working together. I think that certain genetic marker make us  predisposed for specific behaviors. If our will and environment lend itself to that behavior with less resistance, then that behavior flourishes. If there is resistance, we adapt. The difficulty come with scientifically figuring out to what degree each force has in influencing behavior. This is so variable which makes it possibly impossible to measure.

From a biological standpoint, technology and science has not advanced enough to determine if homosexuality is a biological occurrence. There are studies that lean itself to that notion that people were born homosexual. There have even broken it down to certain areas of DNA. They cant pinpoint the exact gene, but they can pinpoint a specific cluster of genes that may cause it. There are too many unknown elements in most of the studies, therefore not very scientific. Sexuality is a very complex entity. Like genes, no two individuals will have the same genetic make up even twins. So I feel sexuality have various components that I do not think science can break down or no research is being funded in this field. What I do find interesting is how alcoholism and addiction is so readily excepted as genetically based by the public yet homosexuality is not. Both are behaviors but one has that religious based adversaries and the other does not. If we could prove that homosexuality was natural. It would change how homosexual see themselves. It would give them power to fight against the discrimination. Something that is natural is also God given. Therefore it would no longer give people a religious validation for their hate

The psychological perspective tends to imply that the environment plays a major part in homosexuality. I feel that Freudian theory is too deep in the unconscious and can not be measured or studies. I think the subconscious and unknown area of the mind are to mysterious of variable to be scientific on a realistic level. If I had to create a correlation between the perspective, the only one I can see is the connect between homosexuality and parents’ guilt feeling. The parent think that it something they did or how they raised the child that cause the homosexuality. The psychological theories lends itself to make them believe this. Freudian theory always blame the parent or some childhood conflict. I disagree with this perspective.

My own sexuality is simple to me. I am a male to female transsexual. I am attracted to men and sexually arouse by the thought of cunnilingus . The cause of this is beyond my scope of things. History didn’t play a part in my creation but it definitely played a part in how I expressed it. Everything I experienced prior to puberty that was sexual was clandestine. Some element suggest genetics. My dad is gay but I never met him until I was 12 years old. My mother was totally against homosexuals. When she found out that he was gay she totally cut him off from my life prior to my birth. Later on in life however, well after my transition to womanhood, my mother was in a relationship with a butch lesbian for a year. These event make me feel it was genetic on both sides. As far as my environment, I was never molested by men. My mother was molest as child by men so she was extremely overprotective about that. Men could not be alone with me as a child. However she was blind to women, I was fondled by my female babysitters. They would perform oral sex on me as well. I experimented with both my male and female peers. We would do humping with clothes on and oral sex. This started as early as 2 years old when my neighbor daughter who was 5 performed oral sex one me while playing “doctor” I was always aroused with the boys. The experiment with girls were strange, not bad, just strange. As I got older the situation with girls stop occurring and the situation with my male peer continued. I related to being a female prior to the sexual experience but these experience solidified it. Another element of my sexuality is that my family was full of people who hated homosexual yet there were people who were homosexuals in the closet that made sure I knew that they were “different” too and that they loved me. These sentiments came to me before I officially came out. I had been so effeminate that they all just assume that was the case. This made it easier for me to come out knowing that I had support even if it was “our little secret”. So I have elements of nature and elements of environmental influences.

Sexuality is so complex from a world view down to a individual view. I dont think that we will in my life time uncover all the secret that our genes and social environment have on our own sexuality. This comes with time and more research.

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