Escorting and Getting Out of the Sex Industry

Posted on December 14, 2010 by Diamond Stylz
I

Is It Worth It?

I would be lying if I said that the escort business did not benefit me. I would not be who I am today without it. It funded surgeries, hormones, and my education,at some point even my next meal. I started in the business out of necessity. I got fired for being trans at a job. I had custody of my brother. I had my pride motivation me to not fail at raising my brother because I knew people were looking at the scenario in a negative light just because I was trans. So I was broke lookin for a job with bills due when a friend sent me a client to help me out. It was the easiest money I had ever made. The rest was history. I was makin money in amounts that a lil ghetto girl like my self never had seen. I could buy whatever I wanted at store for me and my brother, pay all bills and not have to wait til me next check two week later, travel to place I never been, and live a life I was not accustom to living. Ironically, I was one of those girl that turned my nose up to people that engaged in prostitution( I did start calling it escorting until i was in the business…lol). You have to love a good old euphemism. I would look at them with disgust and get and attitude when guys would approach me in that manner. That was from 16 to 21. 21 is when I hit the real world. Life thrown you many fast balls your way, you either gonna hit them or strike out. I was no longer a niave kid. I was woman in a objectifying world blind to other options by the need to survive and prove a point to the world. that I was independent and I could take care of my brother
After a while, the need to survive was no longer there. The bill were paid up for months in advance. My brother was in new clothes and shoes lookin fly and so was I. My life had no plan. All I did was sit at home answering calls from strangers. I negotiated firm prices. Set appointment. Give directions. Provide the service. OkThanksByeBye. Count my money for the 20th time. The cycle starts over and over and over every morning.
This routine lasted for years. It changed every thing about me. I was YOUNG AND WEAK. Strong enough to stand up and be a proud transsexual but weak because I didnt have life experience to tell myself I knew better. Sexual attraction, how I trust men, how i felt about myself all changed. I ignore the the wives because I didnt know them. I didnt look at myself negative like you may think. This was validation of my womanhood. A man attracted to me SO MUCH that he was willing to pay a portion of his whole check to see me. I was a goddess to these men. Yes they may have been saying the same shit to the other girls but they were saying it to me and I was taking it to heart. Not falling in love with every client but falling in love with the image I was portraying. No one praised me for being a transsexual. EVERYONE outside the business CRITIQUED ME. They tried to find flaws. Trannies were looking to see how they were better or worst than me. Female were looking to see how I was NOT them. Men were looking to see if they could tell. The outcome was nothing but critiques No encouragement. So the adoration these men gave was new. I soaked it up like a dry sponge throw into the Pacific. Escorting became a defense mechanism as well. It defended me against the tranny chasers. I wasnt falling for the dudes lies and game they played. You either paid me or you wasnt getting into my panties and damn sure not my hearts. If you did get shady after I let you in, I still knew that at least I got some rent out of the arrangement. The chaser didnt just leave me with nothing feeling played like tranny chasers can do. It was a sort of power and insurance. When you learn that this guy is dealing with every tranny in the city after lying and claiming you are the first or the special one, it didnt matter because he paid you. No hurt feelings . Just OkThanksByeBye
This wasnt healthy at all. I was in a state of stagnation. I was not using my natural god giving gift to be more. I was a robot in some way. It was destroying my personal relationship and destroying the dreams I had before the business.
It took a while and many conversation with many different people including clients to see that I was content with being a complacent whore. No euphemisms. No sugar-coating.
I had to make a conscious and difficult decison to change my life and motivation. I decide to go back to school and finish my degree. I made a plan that is coming together. I cant say that im 100% out of the business but i can say im 80%…lol. I gradually started taking ads down. I started taking few new clients. I got a bullshit job making 10 buck a hour. Yes I am alway scared about if i will get fired again for being trans BUT escorting got me to a level to where im more passable so people dont suspect anything. Now truthfully, I do feel so stupid at work making 10 buck and hour, when a client calls with 250+ for the hour. That just felt idiotic. Sometime i would stick to my guns and stay there but sometime I would play ill and come home and make that money. I eventually learned the importance of not worrying about it. Later on down the line, I enrolled in school. So over a span of 2 years. I have progressed. I use escorting only when it dire now. Not as a sole means of survival. Yes it hard because I cant spend how I use to but i have more free time and less constrictive plans. Regardless my life is moving in a new direction that I am proud of. I cant say when it will all be done BUT I cant say that it will be done soon. I was nowhere near saying that 2 years ago. Now i notice that now that Im tryin to live right, God is bringing so many blessing to me. People who support me and praise me for the positive not just how I look or how big my cock is…lol They praise me for being me, flaws and all… not some passable mudane tranny or sexy hooker
Listen to this video.

Side note: I am not the best writer so there will be mistakes in my writing..lol DONT JUDGE ME. I tried to go back and proof read over time. I should get better. Thanks

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WikiLeaks

Posted on December 9, 2010 by Diamond Stylz

Who Is Doing What Really?

This is scary. There are so many worries in my little tranny world.

I have to worry about getting arrested for going to the women’s bathroom when I have to tinkle. I have to worry about if my gender is valid in the state that I live in even after a sex change. I have to worry about if a potential boss will not choose me based on my gender, race, or, sexual orientation. I have to worry about getting bullied or gay bashed at school. As if those are not enough to deal with, here come the WikiLeaks media fiasco, letting me know now that I have to worry about whether what the news i see is actually the real story or the government’s smoke and mirror. A journalist, Julian Assange, is reporting true information about appalling facts and scenarios the U.S. government is covering up. A cover up that major media organizations are helping to cover up. These media organization were founded on the principle of delivering true unbiased information to the public. They are not supposed to be ran by the government. This foundation of true journalism insured that the public be informed with transparent information about what our government is doing in our name. Dont we deserve to know what our tax money is supporting, what our soldiers are dying for, or what our global agenda is?
This is huge attack on democracy…wait maybe Im out the loop…democracy is still important right? Or did i wake up in Korea?
This is such a strange feeling. I feel like I have no control. The life within my home to the life within my country is at jeopardy based on some power-hungry jack-asses that I dont know making decisions that effect my life under a cloak of secrecy. 2010 was a year full of attacks on some of my most personal rights and values. Some of which I never thought would be attack or even could be. Now there is worry on a bigger scales. If I was one of those mindless people, worried only about who Kim Kardashian is banging this week or who buttdived into Raz B‘s hole, then I wouldnt care or even know about this stuff. I do know though. Im scared that if we dont put a stop to this soon, by the time we do know the real deal, it will be too late. Then again what can this little tranny do? I cant even pee at a public library without getting escort to the police department.

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Moving On From Elm Street

Posted on December 6, 2010 by Diamond Stylz
Promotional photo of Freddy Krueger for A Nigh...

Don't Fall Asleep

In the real world, I was tired. I laid down in my simple bed hoping to get some rest. This would be a simple break from the days worries. I fell asleep quickly. Like the Piscean woman I am, I aligned with my stars and started to dream. My dream self was laying in my bestfriend’s bed. I love her bed because, unlike myself,she opts for the finer things in life. She finds joy in “things” So her things are always nice. They never disappoint her. Her bed is big, plush and all around comfy. This is why I think I was dreaming I was in her bed and not my own.
In the dream world, I am snoozing in my bestie’s bed. I hear a deep familiar voice call my name. It is my ex husband’s voice. I havent seen him in a year. As much as I try not to, I miss him. I look up and see his dark face and soft full lips, I reach out to him. Every emotion in my body pour out of my eyes. I just want to hold him and tell him that I love him. I want him to lay there next to me and we wake to our happily ever after.
As I cry in my dream, my conscious self in the real world WAKES ME UP like some scene from an old Freddy Krueger movie. You know the scene when Freddy is about attack and the friend wakes up the sleeping friend just in time for the dreamer to not be cut by Freddie glove.
A close one
Yes I miss my husband and I still love him. No matter how much he claims to love me, his actions didnt live up to his words. Unlike my bestfriend, I find joy in people not things. Her things never disappointed. Sometime my people do. My husband was one. I had to wake myself up, I cant live in that dream because I will end up a corpse. Empty and Dead. Chasing life.
In the real world, I laid in my regular bed, alone, slightly uncomfortable but I was out of harm’s way.

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Nicki Minaj and Lil Kim Beef

Posted on November 28, 2010 by Diamond Stylz

Hello Rap Bulge!

This Nickin Minaj and Lil Kim Beef is so _________. There are many words that can fill in that blank: overrated, girlie,tired,whack, unnecessary, publicity. “Stupid” is the word that is most appropriate and directly to the point.
Besides Dancing With Star( which we all know is for C and D lister celebs),what has Kim done musically since she has been out of jail?…would people be talkin about Lil Kim if not for Nicki’s buzz? No, we would not….I didnt even know she had a new face.. let alone an album..
You sleep on your spot …and a new bitch will take it…that any industry….so put some music out that doesnt sound like it from the 90’s…where is your growth?it almost 2011. Stop bitching
And real talk if we gonna keep it real…Lil kim became famous for talkin about suckin dick and fucking niggas…. her lyrical depth was not goin hard like that Nicki’s aint either. Kim only changed the game in the sense that female MC can dress like girl and be raunchy … yall acting like her lyrics were Lauryn Hill status

Lil Kim is getting gased up because there is a new rap chick getting a little buzz. This is Lil Kim’s normal routine. Who hasnt she complained about. Her complaint is Nicki Minaj is not paying homage to her because Nicki Minaj is doing one thing that Kim did back in the day:wear different color hair. I can name so many artist that done tresses of different hues. Who didnt wear different color hair in the 80’s? When did Kim get the patent? To me that where the similarities stop. Lil Kim has purely unadaptable 90’s swag that was perfect and hot in it era. She had risque content, not necessarily the musicianship,that made her popular. She has a hard masculine street tone that she only puts on in the booth while her public voice and demeanor is girlie. Foxy brown had the same thing. they are legend and change the game when they came in it. A new girl is coming in to make her mark. Nicki Minaj is girly in the booth and in person. Nicki has a consistent ultra femme persona with some slight grit. This shows on her tracks and off her track. In my opinion she hasnt done enough to judge her work. Her feature are the hottest thing around. As far as her own songs, they are always lack luster and kinda corny. (I havent heard the album just the singles) I do have hope that she will do more just liek i hope kim come with some new shit.
Regardless of the comparison, Nicki doesnt HAVE TO pay homage to no one. Yes that would be graceful but it not a requirement. She isnt suppose to bow down and say she is #2 either. Although I have heard Nicki Minaj give Lil Kim her prop and respect. You dont see Diana Ross demanding homage? Cause he legacy speaks for it self…..Kim legacy is cute but it not much to over do..so she feel threaten. She want that homage. Now Nicki Minaj need to come with a hot song before she thinks she doin something. These single have be so BLAND.
I think Lil Kim is making a fool of herself. These type of act solidify my suspicion of he low self esteem but i think the surgeries nail that in the coffin already. She should have just work on her music and let that speak for it self if she felt musically threaten anyway. Her fans have been waitin for how long?

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Just A Little To Late

Posted on November 17, 2010 by Diamond Stylz

Cry Wolf Again Huh?

Here is a conversation I had the other day with a guy I have known since highschool. He never approached me in high school but in our young adulthood, we dated briefly(non sexual). Each time that there were a chance to be more than friends,he would disappear and stop talking to me like your normal closet-stealth-down-low man. Each time after that he would come back hitting me askin to date again because “he was ready now.” I gave in a few time and dated him again but then the same thing would happen. So I stop talkin to him. Then a funny thing happen. He became a mailman and just my luck my house was one of his delivery spots so I would have to see him everyday(I dont know if he did this on purpose or not). He would still try to convince me to give him another chance I would alway say no because I knew his mind was on some fetish-freak-need-to-be-a-client-type stuff. So that was in our early and mid 20’s. 5 years later, he has been with his girlfriend, made 2 kids, and in the tranny mill (on the low im sure). Now he is back from outter space with that same look on his face…lol(Gloria Gaynor swag). Here is how the convo went.

Him:Do u think we could ever be together?

Me: We could have at one point but you made ya choice…..how is ya wife and kids?

Him:Wife?? I’m single..yeah I have kids but what does that mean?

Me: Nothin is wrong with you having them but we have to be realistic…….You are a downlow dude….Your business, family and kids are in Indianapolis…I would never live in Indy again if I can help it… People know you and people know me. There is no way we would be able to live a drama free life in the closet……. and I dont want that any way….but I know you not ready for something open either…I live in Houston..and plan to stay here..I simply dont fit in your life
Him: I plan on leaving Indy soon..I really don’t care about that other shit..people know me and u but who cares..yeah back then I was scared and I played games but I really cared about u. I dont care about that shit now that Im grown …I feel we really connected..I wish we could have that back
Me: If we connected so much, we wouldnt be having this conversation… we would be together. You sing this same ole tune every few months, Im almost 30…Im too old to be tryin to figure out if you are serious or not ..what you are ready for and what you are not ready for…and all those other risks I would have to make with my own heart…when you make some moves aka actions to SHOW me you ready then…ill see what up…until then keep talkin like you been doin for years
Him:Ok fine u will see

So that how it ends. To keep it real, honestly, him and I did have a connection but with all the game and bullshit he played, that connect was not worth anything. So now that He is doing that Boy That Cried Wolf shuffle all in my inbox, Im suppose to come running and believe all that he is saying? Oh no honey you are gonna have to get rid of those wolves yourself because Im not coming

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For Colored Girls

Posted on November 6, 2010 by Diamond Stylz
Two little girls in a park near Union Station,...

Image by The Library of Congress via Flickr

I totally love this film. It was deep and opened feeling about myself and negative influence in my life. It inspired me to find ways to healt and forgive myself and other. i releated to every women in the cast on some level. After watching the film by Tyler Perry,”For Colored Girls” I realized that I connect with element of a few of the characters. Many men will se ethis as a movie bashing men, but honest this is a movie that show the dark side of men and women. Let me add this….if you are  a good man then you should be offened by this movie depiction of men because it is not depicting you. The on people who i have notice that have a problem with this movie are sorry as men who i know are sorry from what they do and tell me they have done. Most of  the good men see it and get it. Like the movie “Precious,” there is some heavy material but life isnt alway light and rosy.  I know a girl who had her father’s baby at 13 because her dad was molesting her. So now she has to take care of her child who is actually her sister too. Her mother hold some type of weird resentment toward her and the new baby so she provides not assistance. Now the girl cant go to school and is in a downfall in her life. that is just one story, I know many and i have my own. This movie is about that. It’s about still overcoming these struggles in the midst of people branding you with adjective like angry,cold, bitter, and mean.

 So I was inspired. I wrote this after seeing the film . I was just thinking about what my own monologue would be like if I was in the film…so I wrote this. I left some stuff out but I will try to do it in video form soon with all of it intact.

I hate being broken. Like a beautiful piece of furniture giving to someone that doesn’t know the value or doesn’t care; I have not been taking care of like I should be. Over time, part of me has been broken, torn, stained, and chipped away. Now I’m just sitting here wasting.

 I hate being wasted, I feel like I am sitting in a garage collection dust. Waiting for my owner, who I do not know anymore maybe I never did, Waiting on them to gather up the energy to smooth me down and refinish me and return me back to my former glory, the days when I was useful and had a purpose or maybe they will use that energy to sit me out of the curb waiting for someone to pick me up like trash. So low very low

 I feel like I’m in a basement getting wet, then slowly dry, then wet again, full of the distinct smell of mildew and rats. We cannot forget the rats. Looking for a warm place to stay and infest. Chewing and gnawing holes in my parts for winter comfort. Only for summer to come and they are going once, going twice, gone, SOLD

 Maybe that is feeling, like I am on sale in the middle of a lawn with buyers looking from their rose colored 3D glasses, asking: Are my pillow big enough; Am I long enough for the room that they need to stick me in, trying to figure out my worth and how not to pay it. And there I am sitting sturdy, plush, vulnerable and available ready to be giving away to the highest bidder or for that’s-my-rate-baby cheap. Maybe it’s me selling myself short

Maybe I’m not broken just broke. There is a debt that needs to be paid. One of you owes me.  My mother, father, men and even YOU…at least that how this feels…I didn’t ask for this

Nevertheless I am broken and I hate it.

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Sister to Sister

Posted on November 3, 2010 by Diamond Stylz
An artists' rendering of a person with female ...

Image via Wikipedia

I think me and this lady tackle a few issues we tgirls are having in our sector of this great world. So I thought I would share just to open some dialogue. Not that we havent talk about these issues before but hey here we go again

HER MESSAGE

Hello Diamond !
I like what you stand for so many of us transwomen are looked at as sex objects or experiments, Thats why I have left so many sites like BGC, Black Planet, Black T-Gurls R Us ect… All I was getting was jealous comments and sexual propositions and I was tired of it. I’ts also a shame our communities worst enemy is us. I go on BGC and there is so much immaturity in those chatrooms I just couldn’t take it any longer. We need more sistas like you. You are a great example of a classy WOMAN. Not SHEMALE, T-GIRL, TRANNY or any other derogatory terms that society labels us.Thank you for standing up! I believe that we can change the stereotypes of transsexual, but it all starts with us. People label us as freaks because look at eros guide, craigslist or all the other websites that capitalize on a serious medical issue called Gender dysphoria!. God bless you and remember your life is all up to us !@

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((a big hug)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Diva

MY RESPONSE

Thank you love for the kind words. I dont think you meant this message to be offensive so do take what im about to say the wrong way. Im just responding to this the way I feel i need to in order to address a lady like you. I think you don?t like the stereotype that is out and because you feel the stereotype you want is better. Both are still stereotypes. I don?t fall in any one box. I am good and bad, dark and light…like the rest of you. Now let me address specifically what im talkin about

Now you said you were on those sites and got jealousy and sexual proposition. I am on str8 site as female, and i get the same stuff there so it not a transsexual thing.. it a being a woman figure on the net thing…it happen…guys will be guys and girl will be girls. It has nothing to do with the site you?re on. That can?t be avoided that the nature of the world

You said that you were on bgc in the chatroom and forums and you got tired of the immaturity
I am one of the those girls that in the bgc chatroom, roast , playing the dozen, clown being rude and having fun…and some people think its childis***think it fun and entertaining…we have serious convos and playful convo…that mixture is also the nature of the world…not just on a gay or tranny site…if you got to any heterosexual chatroom..it?s the same exact thing?they roast, clown and be serious sometime too. Its not just a transsexual thing

Im a Tranny that is not a derogatory term to me…a tranny is what i want to be…that what i am…im not tryin to be a bio WOMAN. That would be stupid….because I will never be that. God purpose for me is for me to be a TRANNY. Some people don?t agree. But do they matter in my life? No. Some girl dont like the terms…i dont care or have problem with them.

I dont have a medical issue called Gender Dsyphoria. That TO ME is a derogatory term…because it implies that we are crazy. I know very well the history and terminology of Gender dysphoria and i dont like it. I have a video about that ….here is goes at the bottom of this message it a part 1 and 2

One last thing i have to address. I WILL NEVER have a issue with EROS CRAIGSLIST BACKPAGE or any other site like that because those site help me survive take care of myself until I can establish my career. Which I have done now. Escorting has got me to a level i am now and keep me with a roof over my head and advance me to a level where i can go to school comfortable and get a job comfortable. So i will never judge escort or the site that they chose to be on. Trannssexual escorting dont make all transsexual look bad…..if that the case why dont woman escorts make all women look bad? People will judge you, it your job to break through that and say hey im not an escort I and doctor ima lawyer or what ?good? career you are in and it will change those specific people mind about trans stereotype. At the end of the day it their life their choice ?not yours

I think alot of time people forget that the the subculture it a reflection of the whole culture. We all are different and think different about thing just like other groups?It some ghetto black lowlife and it some goal oriented successful blacks?
I dont want you think that im goin off or anything like that , im just pointing out the difference on how we feel about things because from the tone of you message you have a impression of me that is not the truth….and that impression i dont like so i had to clear it up so you can have the REAL impression of me. Because im a real person.
The impression you have of me should be that Im Diamond Stylz and i dont fit in goodie goodie box nor a bad tgirl box because i have elements of both. I hope you understand.

Her response to my response

Thank you Diamond. You made some very interesting points. I hope I didn’t offend you that wasn’t my intention. I will always have much love and respect for you and you views. Thank you for opening up my eyes to those topics and taking the time to address those issues. I guess I just get so defensive because it was such a hard road for me. Maybe I need to just do some deep soul searching, look at the word though the eyes of others.

Much love

MY RESPONSE BACK

NOPE I WASNT OFFEND AT ALL
I know your message came from a place of love and frustration with our current status…. You are not wrong for you feelings…
I just wanted to point out something that you might want to consider…not only about me but about the difference in all of us.
I appreciate the love and dialogue…we have to talk about shit to address…and we both want the same thing .
a better life for ourselves as transwomen
I think that the point of this type of convos
thank you for the love

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Walking into the Wrong Room

Posted on November 1, 2010 by Diamond Stylz
BE YOUR SELF NO BODY ELSE!

Being You

I was just having a conversation about how this “activism hat” people are startin to put on me. It sound like it doesnt really fit. 
I have a “bad” side….that I actually like…..
Here is a lil list of some of the stuff I have heard through the grapevine about me anonymously through other:
I cuss a lil too much …..
I use to be escort….
Im to “black””ghetto”
I dress to sexy

All of those thing I either like about myself or Im not ashamed of.
So if standing up for my community or getting more exposure means I have to be in box or changing into some prude

Then I dont want that anyway
So I think I am just going to continue to be me
Yes it may close some doors,
 but already being who i am has open many other doors
I rather walk through doors being who I am than walk through doors being who im not
because that mean Im walkin into the wrong room anyway
I will change on my own terms and improve what i feel needs to improve FOR ME

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The Not-So-Natural Natural

Posted on October 28, 2010 by Diamond Stylz

Diamond Stylz

My natural hair video was feature on Curl Nikki site and Racialicious . All I have to say is  WOW. Thank you all so much for showing me love. I am always nervous talking about natural hair as a transgender woman because …um natural..aka what I was born with…. isnt really my forte…lol… if you catch my drift. When I go out in the world, the public doesn’t see the transgender adjective. When they see me, they just see a Black woman.  Outside of the genitalia which people don’t see of course, I have most of the characteristics of a black woman: ample booty, hips, thighs. kinky hair, full lips and a little attitude…lol. So with all that I do have some insight on the overall experience (especially in aesthetically) with being a Black woman. I too had a mother that instilled specific beauty principles about skin color, good hair, bad hair, perms, and the nappy head girls up the street. I had to endured the burn of S curls and other texturizers to get my hair to do what my mom felt was acceptable and attractive.  I alway thought the community aka the Black girls would discount what I had to say based on what I am. I was already light skin, which for some reason take away from my Blackness in some folks perspective. So now I want to talk about natural hair? Oh No! In my experience, the “sistas” are not the most accepting bunch of women (except when it comes to what they will accept from deadbeat men but hey that another blog post). Which is ironic because the “sistas” have been the most misrepresented and put down group throughout history. Then all the back and forth about black hair in the natural community is dumbfounding. Why is hair so divisive? Are there more things to worry about like unemployment, aids, and education. The politic of hair should be trivial and diverse. Nevertheless, It was so surprising to see the positive comments without negative innuendos that usually come. So I want to thank you all so much for appreciating my experiences in my natural journey.

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Message from A Mother

Posted on October 24, 2010 by Diamond Stylz

It was all about the love environment…not a interrogation. Lucky for you your son is 12 so he communication skill are on level where he can express to you whats on his mind. You might have to start the conversation out as if you are comin to HIM for his support and advice. Talk to him about stress you are having at work….or whatever…that strategy open him up to think it just conversation and not just mom tryin to have a mushy moment….make this routine……with BOTH your kids……just talk …creep in subjects about sex, or sexuality, boys, girls, whatever…talk about other stuff…god, goals, not just that…… just make it a comfortable enviroment for them…you sharing your concerns and issue in YOUR OWN life will help you become an ally……and not just mom tryin to get him to open up.
I love that you even care enough to be concern. For some parent being gay is so unacceptable that they wouldnt even deal with it and unfortunately as we have seen in the recent months, that can turn out very dark

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